Economical with the Truth

My husband has a glass of wine, occasionally two, once or twice a week. And that’s it.

So on my previous attempts to stop drinking for a while, or moderate, he would quite happily agree to help me by stopping drinking as well. However invariably sooner or (occasionally) later he would arrive home from work, usually on Day 1, and find me already started on the wine. Any attempts on his part to remind me of my resolve would be met with very bad temper and grumpiness from me, basically telling him that anyone who had had to deal with the sort of day I had just had would need a drink to help them cope. So, for the sake of marital harmony, he learned that it was better not to say anything about it, as it didn’t make any difference to my drinking behaviour anyway. And I learned sneaky and devious behaviours to ensure that he never knew how much I was really drinking. And every single evening I was utterly, completely, 100% convinced that the very next day I was going to cut back/stop/drink responsibly/whatever.

And all my underhand drinking behaviours and hiding how much I was drinking and almost but not quite lying about it had meant I had a really low opinion of myself and I couldn’t bring myself to tell my husband that I’d actually been pretty deceitful about the whole drinking business for years.

I was sort of hoping that I could become a non-drinker under the radar, without anyone really noticing, without having to admit that my drinking was, or ever had been, out of my control.

Which is kind of ridiculous really, to think that I went from hiding how much I was drinking, to hiding the fact that I’d stopped. And I was hiding that I was antsy, restless, scared, headachey, but all the while excited and knowing, just knowing, that stopping for ever was definitely the right thing to do.

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5 thoughts on “Economical with the Truth

  1. I had to laugh when I read this- because I can totally relate! I always hid when I was drinking. Stashing empties til I could sneak them out- of course this was after sneaking them in! Hid in the kitchen stretching out dinner so my SO wouldn’t know I’d been drinking. Hah! But when I quit-like you- I got kind of sneaky about that too. It wasn’t until I’d gone a couple of months that I casually said,” I don’t know if you’ve noticed…” of course he’d noticed! I don’t know why it takes some of us time to get comfortable with owning that we aren’t drinking- maybe fear of failure. Maybe because saying it will make it more “real”. It wasn’t until I realized that I’d just yelled across a parking lot, “I quit drinking “ in response to an invitation to a happy hour that It sunk in and that I’d quit drinking and was ok owning it.(of course I could’ve gone to the HH and had nonalcoholic, but chose not to- not because I’d be uncomfortable but because I really wasn’t interested)
    You do what’s comfortable for you. You’ll “grow into it”,
    I promise,
    ❤️

  2. Oh gosh, yes, getting the supplies in and then hiding the evidence – it’s scary to think how it all becomes part of the regular routine.

  3. All so familiar. I often hid my drinking from my husband, who himself was a heavy drinker. Why???

    The truth is, they know, even if they pretend not to. I can tell when someone has had a drink or three. It’s obvious.

    Over the years I have been more and more open about my struggles and sneakiness and pain. It’s now kind of funny. But it was definitely not at the time. It was hard, guilt causing and shameful. It hurt my heart.

    Hugs.

    Anne

  4. Sneakiness! I know that feeling well. A large handbag and an empty water bottle used to be my tools – I knew no-one would ever go into my bag. Often I would purchase an extra bottle of wine and hide it somewhere. It’s an awful feeling when you forget where you’ve hidden it and you know you have to get rid of the evidence before you are found out.

    I’m pretty sure my husband wasn’t stupid. Like Anne touched on above – I can tell when one person has had just one drink now, so I know my husband knew I’d been drinking when I said I hadn’t.

    I often think about how sneaky and crafty I was and I feel incredibly guilty and shameful about it …. as you probably will too. I use my shame to reinforce the reasons why I stopped drinking, but I’m now starting to work on this …. afterall, it’s in the past and I don’t want to feel guilty and shameful forever! xx

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